Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda
by Ksrjah
Summary: Lucy reflects back on a recent mission, and how it went wrong. Natsu actually has something insightful to say. T for themes involving death.


She couldn't get that scene out of her head. Like a broken record it played, over and over and over again. She saw it coming, and if only her reaction time had been a millisecond faster she could have maybe saved her. If only she reached her hand out a tiny bit sooner. Or looked over when the nine year old girl first called to her. Things might have been different. Lucy wouldn't be sitting on a deserted beach, sand creeping up her shorts and rough rain drops pounding into her skin. That little girl wouldn't be resting six feet under with her mother crying over her grave.

In front of her Lucy watched the waves crash down onto the shore, chasing the seaweed and shells into the sand. The wind pushed the wild water into riptides and whirlpools, forcing the lifeguards to shut the beach down. Just another downer in a week filled with disappointment and lost. A clap of thunder echoed, and seconds later lightning flashed across the horizon.

Some might call her crazy. What with her sitting alone on the abandoned beach. The storm blowing in from the sea was nothing to shake a stick at, the weather men predicted it to be destructive, but right then and there, Lucy needed something destructive to distract her from her own vicious train of thought.

Because it was all her fault.

If Natsu, or Erza, or Gray stood as close to the girl as she had, then the nine year would surely be still breathing. Bringing her knees to her chest Lucy crossed her arms over the tops of them and buried her face into the underside of her forearms. Even over the sound of the ocean, the howling of the wind, and the traffic near the hotel behind her, Lucy could hear the sound of the girl's scream just before the train derailed. So terrified, so desperate. And Lucy just stood there, gaping as the train rolled onto its side and started to flip in their direction.

Right before someone flopped down in the sand beside her Lucy heard the shuffling of feet. Peering up, she saw Natsu leaning back on his palms, attention on the rolling waves a couple feet in front of them. "It took me a while to find you." He muttered, handing her one of his long sleeved T-shirts to put on.

Sniffling, she slipped the article of clothing over her head. "The point of my 'vacation' was to be alone Natsu."

He started to play with the sand, running his fingers through the little grains. He made swirly designs, his hand getting closer and closer to hers which she'd just placed down after settling into the warmth of his shirt. It smelled like him too.

He grasped her fingers, gentle warmth in the touch. "It all happened so fast." He had this faraway look in his eyes, he didn't look up from his designs in the sand. Even when the rain washed them away.

"So fast that you can't blame yourself for what happened to her. I almost didn't get a hold of you before the wreck skidded into the train station," Gritting his teeth, he tensed, "And while we're talking about this, I think you should know that if anyone should be blamed, it should be me. I'm the one who destroyed that part of the track. Not you. Me."

Lucy didn't know when she begun to cry, but the tears were welling up and dripping on passed her eyelashes in globs. It felt good to let the emotion out finally, and even though she wanted to deal with this alone she was glad Natsu found her. It seemed like the fire dragon slayer had some regrets weighing down his shoulders too.

"Natsu, those tracks got destroyed because you attacked the giant, man eating monster standing on them. We went there to kill it, and you did. It's not your fault. You didn't know a train would come so early in the morning." His eyes darted up to her, and she avoided his gaze. She couldn't look at him, not now.

"Lucy, look at me," When she didn't, he placed a hand on her chin, forcing her to face him. His eyes burned, not with anger, not with annoyance, not with pity, but with love, "Like how we didn't know we would save a little girl from being eaten? Like how _you_ didn't know you'd have to look after her for the rest of the mission, and _did_!" He said passionately trying to get his point across.

Lucy jerked her chin from his grasp, blinking a couple new tears out of her lashes. It started to rain a little harder, and now she couldn't tell the difference from her own tears and the warm summer rain. "But I was there, Natsu. I was right there, inches away. All I had to do was hold her hand and you would have pulled _both_ of us to safety."

Scooting over so he sat spooned up to her, he wiped her cheek with the back of his hand, drying it off. His other hand reached for her stomach, his feather light touch caressing the slight swell there. "I could have saved all _three_ of you. But I didn't. You didn't. And we'll just have to live with that. You believe in fate right?"

Lucy cuddled up to him, taking refuge in his warmth against the raging storm. Nodding her head in agreement, she closed her eyes.

"We saved her life once right? Well what if fate had more important things for her in mind, but in heaven? What if we were interfering with fate's plan?" He whispered in her ear, his hot breath fanning across the rim and lobe. It comforted her.

"How about we name our daughter Amy after her? Will that make you feel better?" He kissed the underside of her jaw, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her close time.

Lucy's crying doubled, but no longer from grief and guilt, but from relief and gratitude. How was it that Natsu always knew what to say to make her see the brighter side of situations that always seemed grim. For a man that said he was no good with words he sure knew how to use them to comfort her.

"I-I'd like that a lot." She whimpered, nuzzling into his scarf.

"I thought you would. Now how about we get back inside the hotel before you catch a cold. Don't need that when you're carrying a baby dragon slayer inside you!" Natsu stood up, the cheerfulness in his voice sounding a bit strained by genuine nonetheless. Reaching down, he pulling her up with him. As they made their way through the storm and towards the hotel, Natsu made sure his arms never left her. That he never drifted more than a couple centimeters away from her. Ever the protective dragon.

And Lucy had never been so thankful to have that dragon as her fiancé.

* * *

Okay, so this is…I don't know. I had this vision in my head of how I wanted this to go, and then it came out like this and I don't know how I feel. So I'll post it and let it sit and maybe, someday, come back to it. Until then I think this will have to do for TENNIS-w-GUITARS. As this is another one shot from her because I couldn't choose which one I wanted to do out of the two options she gave me. So I did both!

Anyway, FORT will be updated soon! Like before I go to bed soon. In an hour or so soon!

And I updated Spin yesterday! So if you're following that Nalu story check it out.

And I also posted another little drabble thing that's Nalu called 'Not Important'. It's all dialogue!

Until next time!


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